


I Love You Too Late

by Jonnorpost



Category: Jonnor - Fandom, The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Angst, I Love You, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-03 04:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4087570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonnorpost/pseuds/Jonnorpost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moments Connor tells Jude he loves him before Jude gets the chance to say it back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You Too Late

"Have you ever just looked back at the moment you met someone and compared it to how things are now?" Connor asked. The question caught Jude off guard. They had been silent for a good ten minutes as they laid side by side, mindlessly watching the clouds roll past and change shapes. Jude let the question linger between them for a couple seconds. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I dunno. It's just interesting. When we first met, I don't think either of us ever expected this. Or whatever this is." He said. Jude smiled, still looking up at the sky. 

This, was their friendship; it was different than most. They did things that couples would do, such as holding hands, and occasionally kissing when no one was around. Neither of them ever really knew much different than that. They weren't a couple, and never even really talked about it before, but they didn't need to. Their friendship was special, and that's all that mattered to them. Another silence fell over them as they continued to hold hands and wordlessly enjoy the peaceful warm summer afternoon.

"I love you, Jude." In the five years they had been friends, neither of them had ever said 'I love you.' It surprised Jude to hear, although he knew it was true, and he returned the same feelings.   
"You don't have to say it back, but I just thought I should tell you that."   
Little did Jude know, these were the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life. The three simple words that he didn't say back. 

"I know."

~~~~~~

"I'm probably gonna keep saying this all summer, but I still can't believe we graduated. Like it's crazy! We're actually done school." Connor said enthusiastically. He had said it a lot already and it was only two weeks into summer. Jude didn't mind; he liked how excited Connor was about graduating, and Jude was just as thrilled. He just happened to be less vocal about it. 

"I know, it's weird. Like everyone says 'see you next year' but this time there is no next year." Jude agreed. 

"Well there's a next year but I don't want to think about that." Connor said. Reality set back in, and he looked down at the floor under his feet.

"There's still all summer. And we both know that college won't keep us from being friends." Jude assured. He gripped Connors hand.

"Yeah. Friends." Connor said quietly.

"Don't. You know we can't. I know we've talked about it recently, but we're just friends. Maybe after college we can come back to the idea of actually dating. It wouldn't be fair to get into a relationship and then be away from each other for so long."   
Recently the idea of becoming an official couple had been mentioned a few times. Mostly, the conversation was initiated by Connor, but Jude agreed. Ever since eighth grade they felt like more than friends, but they never considered themselves to be a couple. 

"I know. I love you. As a friend, and more... And I know I've said it before, and you won't say it back, but I need to say it." Jude felt guilty that he never said it back. He didn't know why he never could bring himself to. He did love Connor - more than anything - but never said it out loud. 

"I know. And you know I do too." Jude said. Connor just put his head down and nodded. 

"Yeah." 

~~~~~~

"Let's do something fun. There's only a week left before I leave for college." Connor said. He got up from the couch and grabbed his keys. 

"Where are we going?" Jude asked, getting up to follow. 

"I don't know. We'll just have to see where the road takes us I guess." Connor smiled and grabbed Jude's hand, pulling him along. "Come on."

-

They hadn't been driving very long before pulling over. They were in a pretty empty side street that not many cars drove past.   
"The tank is empty." Connor said. He remained calm, mostly because they weren't far from home, but it also wasn't like him to make a huge deal of things. 

"I thought you filled up yesterday?" Jude asked. The car was quiet aside from the sound of rain hitting the roof and windows.

"Not enough apparently." Connor sighed and leaned back. 

"Awesome." Jude said sarcastically.

"Hey, it could be worse. A lot worse." Connor turned to face Jude. Jude recognized the same expression he'd given when they were kids if they found themselves in an annoying situation. It was a playful expression, but the annoyance was there. 

"That's true." Jude agreed. 

"Well we've got no where to go. We could be here for a while." Connor said. If Jude didn't know better, he would think Connor was trying to suggest they take advantage of the situation. He let out a muffled short laugh and pulled out his phone. "What are you doing?" Connor asked. 

"Calling Stef. She can help." Jude said. He scrolled through his contacts. Connor put his hand on Jude's. 

"Not yet. There's only a week until I leave... And don't give me that look. I know you hate me bringing it up, but it's reality. We'll only be able to skype, text, and talk on the phone." 

Jude locked his phone and made eye contact with Connor. "So what are you saying?" 

"Well, I'm not saying anything." He leaned forward and kissed Jude. Jude put his hand behind Connors head, and Connor had his hand on Jude's waist. They made out slowly for a while before pulling away. 

"I love you." Connor said just loud enough to be heard over the rain and distant traffic. Every time Connor said it, Jude's heart sank. He felt so guilty yet never was able to say it back. "I just wish you'd say it back. Even just once before I leave." 

"I do, Connor. You know I do." 

"Then why can't you just say it back?"   
Jude really didn't have an answer. He was never brave enough to. Even after everything they had been through together, he always felt scared to admit it out loud. As silly as it was, he was afraid that saying it would change what they had. Connor sighed again and sunk back in his seat, staring ahead, watching the rain pour on the windshield. "Sometimes I feel like I could literally be dying and you wouldn't say it." 

His words hit Jude hard and he felt sick hearing him say it. "That's not fair... And it's not true. Don't say that." 

"That's how it feels. You know I don't actually mean that though, right?" Jude swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded. "The first time I said it, I told you, you didn't have to say it back, but I didn't mean forever." 

The shrill sound of screeching brakes caused them to immediately turn their attention to the road ahead. The headlights of the car swerving out of control was headed straight for them. With no time to process anything, Jude shut his eyes tight, preparing for the impact he knew would happen. 

~~~~~~

Life without Connor was the most painful thing Jude had ever experienced. It hurt worse than any pain he'd ever endured. It had been a month since the accident, and each day hurt worse than the last. The support from his family was the only thing keeping him going. He replayed their last conversation over and over in his head, wishing he could have just told him how much he loved him.   
Jude spent most of his time wishing it was him, rather than Connor. He wondered if he had just said I love you, right when Connor did the first time, back in eleventh grade, if none of this would have ever happened. Jude's lack of words were the reason Connor said what he did that night before the crash. 

-

'Have you ever just looked back at the moment you met someone and compared it to how things are now?'

'What do you mean?'

'I dunno. It's just interesting. When we first met, I don't think either of us ever expected this. Or whatever this is.' 

"No. Definitely not." Jude said. He kept his focus on the clouds above. His hand was still open for Connor. 

'I love you, Jude.' 

Jude closed his eyes for a few seconds before replying. 

"I love you too, Connor."

**Author's Note:**

> This One Shot was inspired by the song/music video "Smile" by Mikky Ekko


End file.
